It is 9:50 am on a Sunday morning. On Sundays, 10am feels like 8am on a Weekday. I am scrambling to get to make it to Yin Yoga. Who is this girI? I hated this class for it was slow, and it felt like dog years. Injured some two years ago, I crawled to Yin Yoga for I couldn’t dance or hit the gym. My teacher Cookie assured me, my injured knee wouldn’t be a problem. It would be my mind. She was right. It was an exercise of the mind. The discipline to hold the poses was difficult mentally, more than physically. But today, I invited my best friend to join me. I warned her it would be slow. She welcomed the grounding activity.
The class started with words from the instructor, Cookie, “You are invited to be the energy you’ve been waiting for?” She talked about how the body can heal itself and many other things. But I was lost in the wild idea she presented. You see for the past six months, I have been on an intense journey of finding myself. It has been a season of learning self-care, self-love, discovering what I really need, what I want, setting boundaries and hearing myself again. It has brought me to experts in counseling, therapy, psychology, Reiki, acupuncture, yoga, and psychiatry. There were some hits and some misses. It is not about finding the most impressive expert in the field, but encountering people who resonate with your spirit. I’ve discovered people who are heroes in my books. These are the people who have compassion, kindness, and wisdom. They are not afraid of darkness or pain, for they have been through it. Many people today shun difficulty or numb pain. It’s not the healthiest way to deal. But when you find these heroes I speak of, connect with them and get them on board with your journey. Even among friends, I’ve found the real gems who are heroes. The ones who have come face to face with their own darkness, these are the ones you can count on.
I have listened to countless podcasts, seeking wisdom. I’ve started to pray like never before. I’ve gone on many walks. Read several self-help books. I would hear of many influencers offering their services for mentoring or coaching. I am often tempted to jump in and learn from them. But their steep fees prevent me from doing so.
But what if Cookie was right. What if you are the one you’ve been waiting for? On Friday night, on my home from zen meditation I offered Bong, one of the members of the sangha a ride. He has a gift for reading people. He told me he knew my story even before I shared it with the sangha. I told him I’m discovering many things about myself. I’ve just realized I am an Empath. He is an Empath too. We feel deeply. Animals and children are naturally drawn to us. I feel other people’s pain so much that I can wake up anxious then next day. Then, he told me, “Maida, don’t be afraid.” I don’t recall many of the details of that conversation. But I do remember how I felt after. I felt free. I returned home to my flat, happy with a big smile on my face. Sure, it was still raining outside. But I was happy. I was at peace. I realized I was special, and maybe being an empath will help me touch more lives.
All these years, I thought I knew myself pretty well. But these past few months, I’m discovering so much more. Yes, I am restless. I can be anxious. I am cluttered. My stories can jump from topic to topic. But I am also passionate. I am talented. I am creative. I am unique. I am different. I am genuinely curious. I genuinely enjoy talking to strangers and hearing stories. I love stories. I am a storyteller. I care a lot, probably too much sometimes. I feel a lot. I am learning to set boundaries and to focus on my own business.
There are many untold stories within me waiting to be told. I am guilty of not sharing it with the world. I realize now it is selfish, not to put it out there. I wait for things to be perfect. I wait for me to figure things out, instead of putting it out there when I am vulnerable. Brene Brown speaks of showing up and getting into the arena.
The conditions will never be perfect. I may never fully figure things out. But I am still called to share and speak my truest truth every damn day. It may sometimes be raw. It may sometimes be painful. It may be funny or awkward. It may occasionally be wise or insightful. But it doesn’t matter. One thing is sure. I don’t want to die with untold stories in me. So here ready or not world, there will be more putting myself out there. Whether you like it or not, THIS IS ME! It is not my business to worry what people will think. That’s not my job.
So Maida, you are the one you’ve been waiting for. You. Authentically You. Warts and all. The world has been waiting. Now is the time.
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